TMI

Sometimes there is pain.  Like lots of pain, and I lay curled up in bed all day.  Just trying not to die.  This is kind of a problem.  This is kind of a big problem when you are leaving on your mission in a week and a half, and you will not have the option of laying curled in bed.  So I went to visit Doctor.  He didn't know exactly how to help, so he sent me somewhere else.  And this somewhere decided it would be a good idea to squirt blue goo on my belly.  Just to see if anything weird's going on in there.  They made me drink 32 oz. and not pee and then they pushed on my bladder.  I was like, "Hey!  Remember when you told me I couldn't go to the bathroom, well I'm about to here on this table!"  It was rough, and then the ultrasound said no.  Nothing weird  So basically nothing weird is going on, and they don't know why I hurt, and luckily I did not relieve my waters in the doc's office, but mostly I might be dying.  Cool.

P.S. You can get ultrasounds even when you're not pregnant. Just so you know.

The M words. No marriage isn't one of them!

I'm trying to convince myself to go to bed, but I just can't!  Because in two weeks, 2 WEEKS, I will not be sleeping in this heavenly bed, but in an MTC bunk.  I can't even handle it!  Plus McKell Hall, whom I think is adorable and sweet and all things lovely, just announced that she is going on a mission!  Yeah girl!  I hope she gets called to Santa Rosa, and we become companions because we would be converting all up in here!  I just realized that I am not going to be a pious, quiet, well behaved sister.  I don't think I have it in me.  When I get excited I'm like, "Holla!"  And the gospel gets me pretty dogone excited.  So I worry about that.  I'll just have to preface discussions with things like, "Don't worry, not all the members are this crazy, I'm just really happy and you can be this happy too!"  And then I'll be quiet and let my companion talk so they don't throw us out.  Maddie says I need to work on my filter.  She's probably right.  I can't be telling Your Jokes all the time.  And I can't be going all cray cray when people commit to be baptized.  But man!  Man!  These things make me bubbly!

Sorry I'll calm down now.  And explain to my mother why I want to go to Mesa.  Because when the Republican candidate debate came on tonight, it was being held in the Mesa Arts Center.  And I got very wishful of a Mesa visit.  To which she did not understand.  No I wasn't wishful of attending the debate, Newt is a weirdo.  I was wishful because of this girl.  I bet she doesn't even think I'm creepy for saying we are destined to be friends.  We share a favorite animal AND we both like funfetti.  Besides that, Tyler always said Mesa was great, and who am I to doubt a man who lived there for two years doing what I'm going to be doing in 2 weeks.  I've got mission and Mesa on the mind, and I'm just charmed about it!

Feelin' a Little Like a Rockstar

So in case you don't read the Rockstar Diaries, I'm here to tell you that I'm not the only one that stays in their sweats all day. Except I'm not prego and I don't have the most adorable child, just that I'm not feeling A++, and I kinda like rockin the jammies till 5 pm.

Classy.

So anyway I'm not at a yurt in Green Canyon, instead we're having a sister sleepover! Which thus far has consisted of two phone calls (I can't even handle my life, those two...), Some Whitney remembrance, beating the spikey guys on Mario, and currently Beauty and the Beast special edition.

Lizzie gave me that toothy smile, and I just couldn't say no.  I'm glad I didn't because she is really good at reminding me how weird and dumb boys are.  Zachary purposely stood in front of Malia while she was swinging so he would get kicked. Zachary also eats paper. Colby and Carson try to get hurt.  And Luke hugs everyone.  Even at the age of 8, Lukes are weird.

I'm glad he called me though.  He doesn't call.  It basically made my night, but I'm not telling him that.  The man better write.  Even if he is weird.

Don't Make Enemies with Months

It would appear that February got wind of last April's blog because she sure came back swinging.  I thought Feb always knew how much I disliked her, ya know with the cold and the worst holiday ever invented thing going on.  Not to mention that she just decided to have 28 days - the occasional 29 - unlike the other 11 months.  I mean how snooty is that?  That's why I thought she knew.  I thought she just didn't let it bother her.  Wrong.

All these years February has actually been holding in the anger and revenge that comes from someone really not liking you.  And today she let it out!  Because nothing says Happy Valentine's Day like a break up text.  In his defense though, we both knew it was pretty much over.  It just happened to be solidified via text message on a day supposedly celebrating love.

After some tears though, I realize how grateful I am to this boy.  I didn't want him at first, he kind of had to work for it.  And when he did, and I let him in, I saw something so good.  So genuine.  I liked that.  Yes tonight qualifies as utterly sucky, but I did learn from the boy.  More than anticipated.  He has a pretty good head on his shoulders.  And even though I still think maybe Kenzie was right when she warned not to get sucked into the black hole of Luke, he did make me happy.  For one semester I wasn't worried and I was happy.  Besides I'm going on a mission!  In three weeks!  Which was the entire reason for the breakup anyway.  So really he's helping me focus.  And prepare.  I hate that he's always right.  I hate boys.

Don't date.  Ever.  Relationships suck unless they end in marriage.  And seeing as I wouldn't know about that, the lawn gnome collection is looking a lot more appealing.  I actually just remembered my tears aren't done yet, so I'm just gonna go...

P.S. Don't make enemies with months when it can be avoided.

It's happening again.

Only not as bad tonight.

Well Everyone is Sleeping

My head is driving me crazy.  I need to run.  Hard.  I need loud music.  But the gym closed an hour ago.  And mother would kill me if I ran alone at midnight.  So alas the blogging world gets a vent sesh and my legs don't get to feel happy.

Thoughts that are keeping me awake:

• 26 days
• Do I really need flat sheets?  Who is hating on the fitted kind?
• Why do sister missionaries have to wear ugly shoes?
• I won't see the life size photo of me as a bridesmaid that will hang on the wall until I get married.  I might hate it, and there it will be.
• I have to say good bye to my sister for a year and a half at her wedding reception.  Not ideal.
• I will never live in this house again, because I would have to live with marrieds.
• I have to remember to send my driving record to the vehicle coordinator.
• Sooo sick of shopping, and so much more to do.
• I didn't realize I had a bad attitude, but yes H&M I teared up in you. 
• Ugh I hate crying!  
• I think Doc Clay ruined my hand.  Because it tingles and sometimes goes numb.  Which I don't think is normal.
• That black brace is not my favorite accessory.
• Dad.  I love my dad.
• My heart aches for the Chands.
• I keep saying 18 months isn't a long time, but actually it really kind of is.
• Sarah and Zach?  What the heck is going on!  
• That boy, that beautiful boy.  
• When he says he thinks too much, and distractions mess him up more, what does that even mean?
• Does he miss me?  Because I miss him, and I'm not as good as he is about not liking each other anymore.
• Which, by the way, is stupid!  Why do we have to not like each other anymore?  Why can't we just be best friends, who write, while he dates all the wrong girls, and misses me a lot, and we'll both be real happy when I get home?  No not liking involved.
• I am going to look really good at Laurie's reception.  Like really good.
• I need to talk to Kinsey about our yurt expedition.

I could keep going.  Believe me, it is hyper-speed up there, and sleep is just not coming.  I commend you, if you read all of that.  My brain.  I need to run!

I Hope They Call Me on a Mission

There's this munchkin called my sister.  She's totes presh, and obvi excited for my mish.  Her thoughts are similar to mine as in mission on the mind.  Only her's is a smidgen diff.  Because instead of thoughts like, "When I'm on a mission, will you write me?"  She says, "When you're on a mission, can I have your phone?"  Um...  she's 8.

So this little gremlin was crafting the other day.  As she often does.  Last week at church she learned about missionary work, and Primary is cutesy so they got these cutesy little name tags.  You know, the Future Missionary ones?  Well she crafted one for me.  Which is totes cutesy.  She taped it to my shirt.  And I of course, to please her, left it on.  

Until I forgot about it, and went on with my day.  And my day sure took me.  To the library, to get dinner, to the grocery store.  All the while I was wearing my Sister Missionary tag.  I laughed when I put on my pj's and saw it was still there.  I told the funny and only slightly embarrassing story to mother and Liz, to which Liz replied, "Well you're gonna have to get used to wearing a name tag sometime!"  Yes munchie, I am.  Thanks for helping me prep.

Shwang

Even though cookie man was lame and wouldn't allow for Ann Marie time tonight, I still had quite the enjoyable evening.  Well actually, quite the enjoyable day.

Once upon a time I planned to be in Disneyland today, and clearly I am not.  (Frown).  So instead Laur Bar and myself decided to take a break from real life.  We slept in till 11, stayed in bed till noon, and with great effort, got up and got ready.  A little after 1:30, we emerged.  But not to be productive.  No.  Instead we got pedicures, and went to lunch with Maren and Lindsay.  Two girls that I really do adore.  Lunch wore us out.  I mean we did get up at the early hour of 11!  So us sisters scurried home to sweats and a chick flick.

Excitement knocked on our door around seven, and Laurie, Weston, Lindsay, Grace, and myself headed to Park City, Luke-less.  It was fun anyway.  We met Maren and friends for two seconds and watched the international freestyle something or other competition.  Aka crazies doing flips off of ski jumps!  Like seriously, what possesses a person to speed down a hill, go off a jump, fly into the sky whilst twisting their body upside down before landing right side up again?!  I wouldn't do it, but I can't argue the entertainment factor.

Lindsay and I were trying to decide if the Chinese skiers had an advantage or not.  Our conundrum being this, Chinese people are by nature minute in stature, so as an aerialist would that help or hinder?  Clearly it helped because Chang Shwang went and won the uber finals!  Which is as you know, a big deal.

The highlight of the night though was definitely sledding on our bums back down the hill.  Froze our little tushies, and had a splendid time!  And I don't think Weston even minded his polyga-date.  So sad for cookie man, that coulda been him.
 

Oh and Lindsay kinda has Native American cheek bones, so she says.  You weirdo!

3 O's

Probably one of the hardest things for me to have is patience.  Right now the word defines my life.  At least for 33 more days.  I have been absolutely climbing the walls.  And since my hand surgery, I haven't been able to do much to distract me.  I was venting and complaining (probably more of the latter) to my good friend James.  And what I got, wasn't what I expected.  James shared some wisdom from his mission president, and I'm going to share it with you.  

Being optimistic in the face of opposition creates opportunities.

Wowed me.  Because patience is my opposition, and optimism hasn't exactly been my attitude.

I was reminded of this message by President Deiter F. Uchdorf, and how he said, "Patience means delaying immediate gratification for future blessings."  Not just my blessings.  But for the people I teach.  For my companions.  Patience is faith, and I've been lacking.  I've been so fearful of leaving my comfort zone, and of missing people who don't even realize how much he'll be missed.  I've been scared of not being able to call my mom on a rough day.  Or not getting along with companions.  I haven't been having faith.  I haven't been choosing optimistic.  

"Men are that they might have joy"  Joy is coming, in fact it's here now if I'll choose it.  So I guess what I'm trying to say at this ghastly late hour, is that somehow being reminded that optimism is my choice, and that by choosing it, I'm choosing faith, and I'm creating opportunities for blessings.  Somehow tonight those 3 O's turned patience into peace, and this buzzy brain can get some sleep.

Thank you James Robert Baird.